Finding the Right Psychiatrist

Well, I have an appointment on 18^th and 23^rd June with a Dr. Barry in Caulfield North, here in Melbourne. Pity it is awhile away but it gives me time to do more reading.

I have received a few books on Adult ADHD from Amazon.com which look fantastic. The first one I’m reading is “So I’m not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy” which is already a real eye opener and I’m only on chapter one!

 
 

  

WHO Criteria

I found http://www.addcoach4u.com/adultaddtest.html which will give you a PDF of the main six questions to ask, according to the World Health Organization.

 

Telling People

I have only briefly mentioned it to three close friends. I’ve explained that my plan is to explain it better in writing. The first step was for me to understand it better myself. I want to find the right balance. I’ll work on that this week and probably copy it here. That’s one reason I haven’t tried to define it here yet. The other is that this is more a journal than an education. You can find out what Adult ADHD is elsewhere for now. I’m hoping to find a specific link that sounded the best to me, if I can find it again later.

One thing I’ve figured out is that I have to be a bit careful about drinking too much, as I tend to fall into sometimes, because the hangover-related depression was particularly bad. Not sure if it’s because I’ve been drinking less this year or because my state of mind is fairly low right now. The latter I believe. I have to nurture my state of mind. I’ll probably head out to dinner with a friend this week without getting too carried away afterwards (hopefully). With a little luck I’ll also get to see a doctor which should make me feel like progress is happening.

My Feelings

Without going into the story of my life, I’m upset that none of this was figured out earlier. Whether you believe in giving kids drugs or not, if they work, I’ve probably been running myself into the ground for about 25 years or more. The loss is unimaginable. But I’m also a pragmatist so dwelling on it too much isn’t going to help. The other thing is the feeling that a few weeks ago I simply had some quirks, some good, some bad, but today I am the same except with an arguably permanent brain dysfunction. I’m happy there’s something to tackle beyond what I have been trying unsuccessfully in the past, and that it’s not all my fault, but it also strikes me as being serious. I had once tried an antidepressant and the side effects were worse than the negligible positives. What if the solution is worse than the problem? I’d be back to square one. However, the more I read, the more it seems help is at hand. I just have to go through the motions to locate it. Once found, in theory, the grief about losing so much of my life will presumably move further into the background. I’m also more frustrated because I can see the problem more clearly, the over-thinking, my forgetfulness, my hyper responses etc. It all bugs me more now. It’s taking time to get help since I started plan A, spent a further week pondering it, then switched to plan B, and now everyone’s away for Easter. It’s about a month since I watched the Dr. Phil doco that set things in motion. I just have to be patient and not put the steps off. Ie: Must ask for referrals on Tuesday.

Where to Now?

I made an appointment at the Behavioural Neurotherapy Clinic (http://www.adhd.com.au) and spoke with Jacques Duff about the different causes of ADHD. They try to identify the cause, not simply treat the symptoms with drugs. Of particular interest is neurofeedback which many studies have shown to have remarkable and long lasting results. The only problem with this approach is that it’s not covered by Medicare and I simply don’t have the aprox. $1,000 to pursue all the steps in that process properly right now. I intend to come back to it ASAP though.

In the meantime, my plan is to get some decent medical referrals and take the standard psychiatric route which is covered under Medicare. I feel a bit like a boat being pushed against the rocks and beginning to crack up so am more than happy with any band-aid drug approach for the moment. I just feel mentally tired and I need something to change.

 

I Forgot I was Told

The silly thing is that it had been suggested that I may have had AD/HD a couple months earlier by a psychologist I happened to bump into, and about 18 months earlier by some friends who I believe were saying I was about to lose them. Had I blocked it out or was I really that forgetful? Perhaps both. I have subsequently realised how much trouble I have with recall sometimes. The memories are there but until someone points to them or I see a reminder note, the events don’t spontaneously pop back. As the psychologist said, your memory is fine; you just have a problem with recall. I didn’t understand then, but have figured it out now. It makes sense; my mind is constantly rushing from one thought to another. I guess that’s why I have become so preoccupied with writing things down over the years. It’s all becoming clear now. After I get a better handle on this, I will have to talk to those friends again, just as I believe I was asked to do.

The Penny Dropped

I use a PVR which records my favourite TV shows. It records Dr. Phil in case they talk about something relevant. I delete most of them otherwise. This time, there was a show which discussed Adult ADHD. The woman sounded exactly like me, though somewhat worse. I was suddenly convinced that was what I had. I researched the Net, did some online tests etc and wondered how I could have lived this long without having figured it out. Finally there was something I could work with. It wasn’t because I was lazy or had terrible willpower after all. It was mind-blowing. The corner is in front of me. I let my mother know just in case I got distracted and put it aside as so often seems to happen in my life.

Before I Figured it Out

I’m 42 and have been fighting myself since I was a teenager. Getting through high school was a struggle as was my computing degree which I completed in 2003 but that “ticket” didn’t make me feel any better or help me control my life better. I cut ties with a friend who was the source of some stress, reduced self-medication with alcohol etc a little and put even more effort into getting organized. All these things helped me a little but something was still wrong. I still seemed to be in an almost constant state of stress beyond what I felt made sense. Some bumps in the road would make me feel frantic. I had always thought it was depression and when I got control, I would feel better about myself. That had been the theory for several years. Not a lot of progress has been made since then.

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